Marriage and Divorce in Japan

Marriage and Divorce in Japan

- Written by Yogi (Yogendra Puranik), PhD, on August 8, 2021.

Foreigners, including Indians, in Japan are rapidly increasing. At this moment of writing this article, around 2.9 million foreigners, including 40,000 Indians, are living in Japan. With the increase in the non-Japanese population in Japan, international marriages in Japan are also increasing. Such marriages can be of the sort (1) foreigner marrying a foreigner in Japan or (2) a foreigner marrying a Japanese national in Japan. Japanese nationals also include those who have acquired citizenship through naturalization.

Introduction

In Arabia, there is a saying that marriage is like an uncut watermelon. You don’t know if the melon is going to be red or white, unless you cut it. Yes, marriages are like that, irrespective of domestic or international. Hence, the key things to make a marriage successful are (1) to understand the counterpart very well, before the marriage, through whatever possible modes and channels, and (2) once married, give each other space and be considerate towards each other. This becomes much more important in international marriages as the two of you would have grown up in totally different cultures, traditions, ideologies, infrastructure, and so on, having totally different experiences and thus varying thoughts about life and expectations from your partner.

Finding a partner in Japan

As Japan has a very high language and culture barrier, usually a foreigner / Indian living in Japan looks for a Japanese language-enabled partner. While the non-Japanese community in Japan has reached the mark of 2.9 million as of date, even in the highly populous communities like the Chinese, it is not easy for a Chinese to find a Chinese partner in Japan. It's furthermore difficult for Indians to find a partner living and working in Japan, given the limited Indian population in Japan. Moreover, many Indians strongly believe in the arranged marriage system and hence leave Japan to get married in India in line with their parent’s wish.

Two people can come together through various avenues such as (1) direct connect between the two, say at workplace or in private life that converts into a marriage (2) introduction by a friend or well-wisher that converts into a marriage (3) introduction by parents (or through a marriage agency in India) leading to an arranged marriage (4) goukon wherein a group of girls and boys have a lunch/dinner or an event together to choose the one who best suits him/her and (5) introduction by a marriage agency in Japan leading to the marriage.

Types (4) and (5) are not so popular in the non-Japanese community yet. This is because most of the marriage agencies in Japan offer information and services only in the Japanese language. Be aware that many fake agencies are just interested in minting money. On the contrary, some agencies train you on various aspects of marriage and taking care of your partner for a successful marriage relationship.

By the way, in Japan, if you date someone with the intention to understand that person, do not verbalize your intent to marry unless you really mean it. In the Japanese courts, even a verbal utterance of the word marriage could be regarded as a verbal contract and could land you in trouble.

At the All-Japan Association of Indians (AJAI), we are deliberating on the need for a marriage matching function within the Indian community. The Indian community in Japan is now sizable enough and has reached the stage where Indians here are looking out for Indian partners living here. We also need to guide the couples on how to make marriages successful.

Marriage ecosystem

Every marriage has an ecosystem including parents, siblings, relatives, friends, coworkers, community connections, and so on. This ecosystem is always worried about the success of the marriage and happiness of the couples, and is extra worried when it comes to an international marriage, as there are too many unknowns.

International marriages do not have a great impression on the minds of people, as they have heard stories of unsuccessful ones. And when people are conservative, traditional, and protective, they are either too careful or against international marriage.

When a couple decides to go for an international marriage, they need to analyze this ecosystem to take a step-by-step approach to convince all these stakeholders, at least the bare minimum, if not all. Honestly, if the couples are sensible and rational, I think they can decide a lot of things by themselves. Having said that, do not neglect the advice from the seniors. Listen to them or at least show as if you are listening to them.

Marriage ceremony

A marriage ceremony is normally a one-time activity in life. Make it a memorial one. Take photographs and videos that will be your lifetime assets even in thick and thin times. Many times, these memories will keep you bonded.

I would suggest having small ceremonies in the countries of each couple in their own traditional ways. Don’t make things too big unless you have heaps of wealth. Staying financially stable is a thumb rule in international marriages. You never know when you will need an unforeseen travel or so. The lifelong expenses of an internationally married couple are definitely higher than those of a domestic couple, from honeymoon to household things, to child rearing, and so on.

Documentation for marrying in Japan

When foreigners want to marry in Japan, it could be a case of;

1. A foreigner marrying his own national

2. A foreigner marrying a Japanese national

3. A foreigner marrying a foreigner of a different nationality 

The documentation needs could be slightly different in each case.

First, you need to get proof of being single (including divorced or widowed) from your motherland, probably from the city office or marriage bureau in the city of your residence in your homeland. If they do not issue such a certificate, an affidavit created by your parents, attested by the Notary Public of the district concerned, can work.

In case of Indians, the affidavit shall be made on a stamp paper of INR 50/100. Authorize the same at the home department of the concerned state (usually located in the Mantralaya / Secretariats) and then get the same to Japan. Now the Indian government also offers online authorization services through the following regional authentication centers (RACs).

https://mea.gov.in/Images/attach/DetailsofRACsAppamndixCnwagai.pdf

Here in Japan, get the document authorized at your embassy/consulate in Japan. The document can now be submitted to the marriage bureau/city office in Japan. You may need a translation of the document in Japanese, which can be self-translated and self-attested. The city office/marriage bureau will register your marriage and offer you a marriage certificate in Japanese. Marriage registration service is offered even on weekends, and there is also a corner to take a photograph.

Now you can solemnize your marriage at your embassy/consulate. In some countries, the embassy/consulate may require you to publish notices in the local and your home country newspapers. In such a case, the embassy will offer you the text that has to be published.

Charges for authorization services

Various authorization services and respective charges are as follows

• Apostille: Approximately USD 100 (JPY 10,000) per document.

• Notarization: Charges of stamp paper (revenue stamp) as required, plus the charges of the notary.

• Attestation at the embassy: Differs from embassy to embassy. The Indian Embassy in Tokyo charges JPY 3,200 (as of July 2021).

• Gazetted officers and elected assemblymen can do it even for free.

Fake international marriages

I have handled many cases of fake international marriages in Japan. Fake marriages are of multiple types. (1) One side marries the other, with no intention of marriage but for other gains like money or property, etc. Such people/groups are well versed about the legal framework with which they go on creating situations that will help them to rip off good money by exerting a lot of pressure on the other party and/or his/her family. (2) One party is already married overseas and still marries another person in Japan without disclosing the information about the previous marriage with the other party. (3) One party is just interested in having a kid with the other party. And once a kid is born, the party abducts the kid and breaks all relations with the partner.

The only way to prevent such a fake marriage is to be careful when choosing your partner. You must not just rely on the information offered to you by the other party. Try to find as much information as possible through various channels.

(4) Both parties indulge in a marriage for some kind of mutual benefit. I have seen cases in which Japanese girls marry non-Japanese boys. The girl gets around USD 20,000, whereas the boy gets a visa to enter Japan. Sometimes, such arrangements turn into hell when either of the parties dishonors the contractual agreements.

The upbringing of double-blood kids

The double kids are found to have special genetic combinations, like being very cute and so on. As of now, a good number of double blood kids are taking part in the 2020 Tokyo Olympics.

As the mother and father would have been brought up in different environments, the basic ideas about the upbringing of the kid could be totally or partially different. Some cultures have loads of rituals to be done with the baby, whereas some modern cultures may not have any. Hence, there could be debate about the right or wrongness of the rituals. In international marriages, you will have to take the middle way. Things will be difficult if you try to lean towards one way of thinking.

A kid’s education could be a matter of debate, as one parent could be conservative and the other could be liberal. Say, for example, in India, still many people believe that only Engineering or medical studies are the key to a stable livelihood. As the ultimate goal is the success and happiness of the kid, I would suggest that you look well at your kid to understand his/her inclinations. You need to be objective.

Mind you, double-blood kids can find themselves in a cultural or traditional dilemma. Help them for not going into the identity crisis. It would be very tough on the. At school, such kids can undergo discrimination or abuse. So, always keep your antenna on. Stay connected with your kid through daily communication.

The details for schooling and higher education are covered in a distinct article on the subject. Please refer to that article if you need more information.

Household issues and separation/divorce

If an Indian couple is living in India, the two are supported by an ecosystem of parents, grandparents, and friends, and so on. If they have an issue, they can depend on somebody from this ecosystem to resolve the issue. However, if the couple moves overseas, the ecosystem becomes week resulting in a higher possibility of household issues. The issues could be (1) verbal abuse, (2) physical abuse, (3) mental abuse, or (4) indirect abuse of either the partner or the kids.

In Japan, the salaries of the IT engineers is high. One very clear issue I am seeing in the community is about the ignorance of the head of the household, usually the husband, towards the family or the reality of life, under the ego of the high income. They start feeling as if they are the boss. This must be stopped.

In case a spouse or a kid is abused in the house, they can reach out to the city office, especially the Child Guidance Center (CGC). Depending on the case, the CGC will offer a temporary stay for the kid and/or the spouse. However, let me warn you that, once you go to the CGC/City office, whether you like it or not, they will take action only as per their rule book. There is no place for emotions in their operations. I have seen cases in which CGC kept the kid/s in their custody for months, not allowing either parent to take the kid/s back home.

Every year, I handle tens of hundreds of cases of household issues in Indian families in Japan. Families are breaking down as incomes rise and houses become bigger. Communication between the family members is decreasing. On the other hand, misunderstanding and misinterpretation are increasing. Well, we are becoming more and more judgmental than being accommodating. Whenever an issue is felt in the house, make sure you talk it out and solve it. You may please reach out to the All-Japan Association of Indians (AJAI) for help. You may please contact us using the contact details on our website or through the Facebook group, etc.

Legal advice / Family court cases

Many times, couples having issues come to me after they have resorted to taking help from lawyers and the law. The lawyers in Japan charge anything between USD 4,500 and USD 7,000 to take a case into their hands and then 20% to 50% cut on the final settlement amount. I request such couples to first come out of the legal battle, as it is of no benefit to either of them, and to settle things amicably. Sometimes the trust between the two is so broken that the couple is not ready to come out of the legal battle.

Legal battles in Japan can run for years. Also, Japanese courts do not allow dual custody of the kids (Dual custody has been allowed since 2026). Full custody is given only to a single parent, which in many cases results in the abduction of the kids in the sense that the parent with the custody does not allow the other parents to see the kids for months or years.

Having said that, sometimes couples could be a complete mismatch. Their likes and dislikes, hobbies, and choices could be totally different. In such a case, if the going gets tough, there is no point in compromising the whole life, and I do not mind if the couple decides to separate amicably, with due respect to each other. It becomes more important if the couple has kid/s. If so, the decisions must be taken in the best interest of the kid/s.

The Child Guidance Center (CGC)

The Child Guidance Offices offer counseling on all matters related to the growth of children and youth, ages 0-18, including:

• Questions concerning child raising

• Dealing with stress which may cause you to act violently toward your child

• Inability to care for your child due to illness or other situations

• Concern about the development of your child’s speech or growth

• The child’s recent tendency to stay out all night or to resort to violence at home

• Concern for your child not being able to make friends

• Concern for your child not willing to attend school

• Problems with your child’s education or guidance in higher education

• Children's human rights are at stake due to child abuse or other reasons

LGBT marriages

I have not covered same-sex or LGBT marriages in this document due to a lack of knowledge and research. Please accept my apology for the same. For this, you will have to first find a jurisdiction that allows such kind of marriages and confirm the law/rules of the land.

References

• Apostille services: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apostille_Convention

• Notary Public in Japan: https://www.koshonin.gr.jp/list

• All-Japan Association of Indians (AJAI): www.ajai-indians.org

• CGC in Tokyo https://www.fukushihoken.metro.tokyo.lg.jp/jicen/english.html

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